Tiny Blade
by luvdawinx
Summary: Armin's actions for if Mikasa never suspected him with the blade in his hands. Set during the Battle of Trost. Rated T for Major Character Death... My first SnK/AoT fanfiction


"Just let me keep this one," Armin told Mikasa after replacing her gas cylinders and swords with his own. The blade in his hands was small, about the length of his forearm, and when positioned correctly he saw a sky blue eye. "The last thing I want is to be eaten by Titans for real."

"Are you sure you don't even want me to carry you?" Connie asked, to which the blonde shook his head.

"I can't afford to slow you down. My well being is not a priority at the moment. Go on ahead, and grab the Titan's attention so you can secure HQ. Go!" Connie patted him on the back and nodded, before shooting off with the little amount of has he had left. Mikasa, however, stayed behind a little longer to say something to Armin.

"Don't get into any more trouble," she told him. For a second, she also cracked a small smile. "And thank you." Then she went off to follow Connie to carry on the plan her friend came up with.

Armin looked down at the blade in his hands. His bright blue eyes dulled, barely showing any emotion. Then suddenly his lips stretched into a smirk. This, added to the dullness of his now half-lidded eyes, completed the picture which resembled his depression. In his mind ran the same five words in a brief replay for another minute of his silence, in which he could now only hear the roars of Titans and the occasional scream of a person.

_They didn't suspect a thing... They didn't suspect a thing..._

Why was he here? Why was he still alive? Because of him Eren, his best friend, was dead. He died because he didn't do anything. All Armin did was watch as his friends died around him. He was only alive because Eren sacrificed himself for his sake. He was always weak like that, he believed. All his life Eren and Mikasa stood up to protect him, never doing anything himself. What use has he ever been to anyone? He was useless, a burden!

"Why are you still alive?" he asked his reflection in the blade. His smile was full of doubt and despair, tears running down his cheeks and some hitting the edges of his lips. "Don't hold anyone back anymore." He tugged up his jacket sleeve as well as his white shirt sleeve, revealing his left arm underneath. With the tiny, yet sharp blade in hand, he rose it up, aiming for nowhere in particular; he just cared about hitting it somewhere. "Just go ahead and die."

Biting his lip to hold back what would have been screams of pain, in which it turned into loud squeaks, he drove the blade into his arm. He managed to hit a major blood vessel near his wrist, and so blood immediately gushed out. Armin took deep breaths to steady himself, even though his entire body was shaking. Not even bothering with being gentle, he yanked his weapon out of his left arm and placed it in his hand, which was not yet numb from lack of blood.

He then rolled up his right sleeve, which looked completely fine for the moment. With this hand he wanted to reach out for Eren's before he got eaten, but he just wasn't quick enough. It was because of that Eren was dead. It was because he was weak that Eren was dead. But worst of all, he had grabbed this hand to save him from the very Titan that ate him. What did he ever do to deserve someone who was willing to make those kinds of sacrifices for him?

"Eren is dead because of you... So you should go and just die!"

This time Armin pierced himself farther away from his wrist, more or less closer to his elbow. Nonetheless, blood trickled down in tiny ribbons. He let out a strained sob. This was his punishment for never doing anything to help anyone, not even his friends. This was his punishment for being useless and weak. This was his punishment... for being alive.

Holding up the tiny blade with both hands, shaking like mad, he positioned it above him with tip facing him. For a moment he closed his eyes and took deep breaths to steady himself. It was a beautiful life while it lasted, he had to admit. He had friends who cared about him, even though he held them back. A smile crept to his face as memories surged through. They loved him and he loved them, and by knowing that he at least knew he was of some use.

_I am a burden... but that's okay. No one will have to bother with me any longer. Mikasa, I won't cause any trouble for you to fix anymore._ With a smile, he whispered, "I'm coming soon, Eren. We'll meet up in a heaven made by a god that doesn't even exist and finally be away from this hell together!"

* * *

Mikasa held Eren in her arms after retrieving him from the Rogue Titan's body. Relief washed over her from knowing he was alive. She had shined a grateful smile and gently rocked him back and forth. Looking up and about, she noticed three people missing: Jean, Marco, and Armin. She hasn't even seen Armin since she and Connie had taken off.

Just then, Jean and Marco had finally landed at their location, both with grim expressions. Mikasa looked at them, noticing that Jean was carrying something in his arms. The two came up to her and set down what Jean was carrying, causing her to gasp.

Armin's limp and lifeless body was laid out before her. There were no signs that he was killed by Titans, for if there were she would be seeing bite marks, or maybe a sign that he was squeezed to death or his limbs were twisted. However, his sleeves have been rolled up, giving a perfect view of the stab marks where a blade could have been, as well as the blood which dried up and stood out against his now pale skin. From his arms Mikasa started her examination, leading all the way to where his hands were located- holding onto the handle of a blade, which had been pierced into his neck and the tip being found poking out of the nape.

"We found him like this while we were following you," Marco explained. "He must have been overwhelmed from when we all thought Eren was dead and..." He could not find the courage to finish.

Mikasa gently set Eren to lie down, and crawled over to Armin. There were tears, both barely fresh and dry, staining his cheeks. She carefully removed his hands from his grip around the handle, removing the blade from his neck after that. Then she placed two fingers against it. Why was she even checking for a pulse? Maybe it was because like with Eren it would be a miracle to see Armin still alive. Nonetheless, she could not feel even the faintest of a pulse.

* * *

How did Eren even get out of that situation without Armin's help? How was he able to convince the Stationary Guard that he would be an asset to humanity's success? When Mikasa told him while his Titan's skeleton was still in place that Armin had committed suicide he was heartbroken, but was forced to save the tears for another time. They needed to think of a plan, and all they could wonder was, What would Armin do? They knew he would try to negotiate with them and so tried that. It was a struggle but they had managed.

_But if only Armin were there..._

* * *

Eren and Mikasa were given permission to bury Armin's body before their mission to retake Trost. They had cleaned the blood away from his arms and neck, and his fingers were wrapped around a small bunch of wildflowers they picked on his chest. They even decorated his head with a flower crown, giving him an innocent and peaceful image like that of an angel's, almost as if he was simply sleeping. He was gently placed in a body bag that was yet to be closed, but the two wanted to speak and see his face one last time.

Mikasa had removed her scarf and wrapped it around Armin's neck to cover the blade wound. "So you won't get cold in the afterlife," she whispered. It was so hard to hold back her tears. "I'm sorry... that I didn't look out for you well enough." She could not help but to blame his death on herself, for if she had noticed he was planning on killing himself he would still be alive right now. Wiping her tears away with her sleeve, she pushed back blonde bangs to place some soft kisses on his forehead. "Thank you Armin, for being my friend." She crawled away and sat on her knees, giving space for Eren to move past her.

Eren stroked Armin's hair with one hand and holding onto the folded ones with the other. "You were the one who inspired me to dream of the outside world and want to reach the ocean so badly, but I wanted you there with me. I promise I'll keep fighting for you, and that I'll make it outside for you too. Thank you for telling me to keep dreaming, and for being such an amazing friend." He pressed his lips against paled cheeks, leaving a teardrop or two behind. Now it looked as if Armin were crying with them, crying in his sleep the way he used to whenever he had nightmares and Eren would be the first person he turned to for comfort.

Together they shared a moment of silence to remember him. They protected him because they loved him. They were the best of friends because they loved each other. Armin was, and shall forever be, loved by his best friends. Now they must stay strong for him and keep fighting, for they that would what he would have wanted of them. Eren was going to see the outside world because he and Armin dreamed of it together.

His body was carefully covered by the body bag and set down into the hole the two had dug together. Using their shovels they buried him in the dirt, underneath the shade of an oak tree familiar to the one they used to play under as kids back in the Shigashina district. Small bunches of flowers circled the dirt sticking out, and on the tree bark the two had carved in "R.I.P. Armin Arlert" and surrounded it in hearts. They wept for their dead friend for a while longer, before they had to force themselves away from his makeshift grave and not look back.

A figure with a head of light blonde hair and covered in a white aura appeared standing, leaning against the tree as he watched his friends leave. A flower crown graced his head and a red scarf was wrapped around his neck. In one hand he gripped a small bouquet of wildflowers. He shed glowing white tears that rolled down his cheeks.

Armin wanted to see his friends one last time before moving on. Eren was alive, he realized. If only he had waited long enough to learn that on his own. He wanted to go over there, but it wasn't like they would see him anyways. He was just a ghost, a wandering spirit.

"Why...?" he asked himself. "Why did I ever kill myself? Why couldn't I keep on fighting?" He buried his face into his hands, which still held the flowers. "I really was weak! H-How could I have left without even saying goodbye to them properly? Am I really that stupid?" Only now did he realize his actions, only now did he realize how what he's done had impacted Eren and Mikasa. "How can I move on... knowing I've made Mikasa guilty, and I've made Eren plan to go outside without me even though we promised to go together?! I've hurt them! I've destroyed promises! ... I'm horrible, a despicable human being!"

If only this were all a dream, but sadly this was the cold, harsh reality.

* * *

**Wow, I can't believe I wrote that. I mean, sorry that it isn't that good but I tried. Sorry for those who still found this sad, but I've always wondered what would have happened if Mikasa never threw that blade away. It's been bugging me... And another thing I can't believe? It's that I've decided to make the first AoT fic I post on here a Tragedy!****I promise that I will write a story that is more happy, but it might take me a while! But for now, please review and tell me your thoughts on this terrible starter for beginning to write stories for this fandom!**


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